Ya, I know the title is like, duh!!! But when I think about it, I work pretty hard to make people believe that it doesn’t. It is summer time, and that means I often shower multiple times a day, put on deodorant, and even cologne, all in an effort to make people think that my sweat doesn’t stink. What is amazing is that there are a LOT of people that all do the same thing.
What is even more amazing is when Mom says something like, “are you going to shower before we go?” I actually get defensive and indignant that she is telling me that I stink. I know I do, but I work so hard to try and hide it, that I can sometimes start thinking that I don’t stink. So when I am told I do, I become offended.
Not only do I, and others, hide our stink physically, but many of the churches and Christian circles we have been in, have do the same thing spiritually. I want to walk through my spiritual life trying to hide the fact that what comes out of me stinks. By stinks, I mean that we are full of sin (yes, the 3-letter word beginning with s). We walk around in relationships trying to hide from everyone that I am one stinky ball of sin. This effort to make it appear that I am much better than I really am, and minimizing the old man in me and his impact on my life really impacts my relationships with others and with God.
My children, we are all in relationships. Some are now in more permanent commitments, but we are all trying to find those that we can bond with grow with. I love each of you more than you can possibly imagine and I am so very proud of each of you, so this letter is an attempt to help you learn early, what I have learned so late, that will make real relationships so much easier.
When I engage in relationships trying to hide that I am a sinful mess, I have problems. If the person I am close to points out something that looks like sin, this goes against what I am trying so hard to be, and what I believe I am, which is “good”. So this hits hard against my false reality and causes me to become defensive and argumentative. This creates tension between me and the one I want to be close to and keeps us away from oneness. This tension stays there as I will tend to be defensive whenever someone tries to communicate to me and point out how my sin is causing them pain. I will be consumed with trying to prove I don’t stink rather than being concerned about the pain I am causing. This is corrosive in relationships.
What I have learned lately is that being open and willing to admit that I have sin in abundance (that I stink) is freeing rather than embarrassing. I think this is what Jesus meant by saying that the truth will set you free. When I am open and admitting that I am selfish, arrogant, too independent, and prideful I don’t have to worry about being defensive when my sin is pointed out. Rather when this is told to me, I simply say, “wow, that is ugly, I am sorry my sin has caused you pain.” I am able to focus on the other (as Jesus has commanded us to do) rather than focus on my great coverup. This changes the discussion from confrontation to repentance and can bring oneness to the relationship.
The truly great part of this is that all I have to do is take my sin to Jesus and he says, “I know, I have been waiting to change you” and His love envelopes me and I am free to grieve my sin and seek Jesus to bring more of the new man out and remove more of the old man. I am not loved any less for my sin, but rather I fall deeper into relationship with my friend AND Jesus by acknowledging my ugliness and seeking Jesus to help heal me.
This freedom opens the door for much deeper closeness both horizontally, with others, as well as vertically, with Jesus. But what has been the most amazing is how freeing it is. I have a really ugly natural man that continues to rear his head and take control. But it is not my job to remove it, it is Jesus’ job, because I cannot do it. My job is to be open and real and swim in the deep waters with Jesus where it is not safe. This allows me to be open to hear of my sin, because there is no fear of it, it does not condemn me. It has been taken care of on the cross and Jesus loves me no less because of the sin.
Taking a Gospel approach to every day is transforming me. It is renewing my relation with your mother and others. It has brought me freedom like I have never known and I encourage each of you to seek communities where this Gospel approach of openly acknowledging all of our sinfulness is present. Bring this into those relationships you are in, and let the freedom of not hiding the stink of sin in your life.
Don’t buy into the idea that you need to posture yourself as having it all together spiritually. Put the spiritual cologne away and own your stink and dive into relationships with the humility that will make them better.
Love Dad
Letters from a Fathers Heart 